


Where the Wolves Turn To Stone

by Baamon5evr



Series: Four Women Who Were Jon Snow's Mother [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aunt-Niece Relationship, Brother-Sister Relationships, Character Study, Complicated Relationships, F/F, F/M, Gen, House Stark, Lyanna Stark Lives, Lyanna-centric, Mentions of Catelyn Tully Stark/Brandon Stark, Mentions of Ned Stark/Ashara Dayne - Freeform, Mother-Son Relationship, Motherhood, Past Infidelity, Past Relationship(s), Queen Lyanna Stark, R plus L equals J, Romantic relationships are background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 05:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12029418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baamon5evr/pseuds/Baamon5evr
Summary: Lyanna was certain she was going to die, everyone thought so except for Ned but she doesn't die and sometimes, just sometimes, she wishes she had. Now, 12 years later, after marrying Robert to keep her son safe, Robert forces them to make a mysterious trip to Winterfell where Lyanna comes face-to-face with the child she left behind and the consequences that come with it.





	Where the Wolves Turn To Stone

**Author's Note:**

> Note: So I got hit with Lyanna feels out of nowhere and this happened. This is very Lyanna-centric and is mostly canon for the show with some added elements of the book, i.e what exactly happened in how Lyanna and Rhaegar met and where, which they don't really get into on the show and some of the other people that were kicking around back then but this story does not follow the way they told the story of Rhaegar/Lyanna in Season 7, ergo they fell in love, ran away together, he divorced Elia, they got married. You will see what I mean once you read it.  
> Also, Jon is Jaehaerys and not Aegon... for reasons.
> 
> NOTE: *EDITED 11/9/18* Elia/Lyanna/Rhaegar OT3 omitted in edit. As time has gone on, I did become less and less comfortable with that addition and decided it would be better, and adds more complexity to Lyanna's character, to omit it. Rhaegar and Lyanna's relationship is complicated in this story and follows a mixture of show and book canon as well as my own interpretations.

[Lyanna](http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31000000/Camelot-camelot-2011-31024431-1280-720.jpg)

* * *

She was so sure she was going to die. The midwife was sure. The maester was sure. Everyone was sure, except Ned. He kept hold of her hand as the few ladies in the room fluttered around her for what felt like hours, plying her with this potion or that,

 _'To make up for the blood loss, my lady'_ , they said.

Lyanna floated on the edge of consciousness for a time until she finally opened her eyes. She thought she had died because all she saw was bright light along with feeling a rocking motion beneath her.

A wagon. She was in a wagon. She made to sit up but hands stopped her. Ned's grim face hovered before her, his eyes full of sadness. Lyanna felt her stomach drop.

She didn't die but sometimes, just sometimes she wished she had.

**~*~*~**

News came to her in bits and pieces over the next few days. Ned did not wish to cause her undo stress since her body was still recovering. He tells her about their father and brother first, though she already knew. Next, he tells her about the king’s cruelty and insanity reaching its fever pitch in the last year. Again, she knew this. Eventually he couldn't hold it in anymore and tells her the full truth.

King Aerys is dead.

Queen Rhaella is dead.

Ser Arthur is dead.

Ser Gerold is dead.

Princess Elia is dead.

Rhaegar is dead.

Princess Rhaenys and Prince Aegon are dead.

Prince Viserys and Princess Daenerys have fled Westeros.

Robert is king.

She cries then, more than she ever thought she would, tears of both anger and sadness. She cursed Rhaegar, she cursed Robert, she cursed her father and brother, she cursed Princess Elia and the Lannisters and the Mountain and Aerys and, mostly, herself.

So many decisions she made had just led to death, so much death.

 _And new life._ She thought hopefully, staring down at Jaehaerys with a smile.

Her beautiful boy.

He was a quiet babe, not prone to screaming fits and mostly cried silently. He showed no discernable Targaryen features. His hair was thick at birth, curly ringlets of black as opposed to Rhaegar’s older son who she heard had white blonde, wavy hair. He had grey eyes where Princess Rhaenys’ had been deep purple. His face was long as was the Stark trait rather than round. His chin was all Lyanna saw of Rhaegar in him. He looked like a Stark but that wouldn't stop anyone hurting him if they knew his paternity.

Staring at his face made her decision more and more clear to her. She had to protect him no matter what. This world had to be safe for him, peaceful. No matter what she had to sacrifice to do it, her child would be safe.

**~*~*~**

Winterfell was as Lyanna remembered it.

It was covered in a light blanket of snow when the royal family arrived. It had been years since she had the fortune of visiting the one place she had ever truly called home, 13 years to be exact. Instead, she spent her time in the capital.

Queen Lyanna Baratheon.

It felt like an oxymoron, wrong. She never wanted to be a Baratheon and even less so a queen but meeting Rhaegar had changed so much for her. Now he was dead and she had to protect her son and the best way to do that was to stay close to his enemy, feed whatever ridiculous notions Robert had of her. To this day, she knew not where the pedestal he placed her on originated from or why he was so adamant in his view of her as an innocent figure that would save him, a possession for him to hold to prove his worth, but it was to her benefit for now. Eventually she and her son would be together again and Lyanna would make sure he took his rightful place on the throne, but for now his safety was paramount and he was safe in Winterfell with Ned.

Now though, they were making a visit to the northernmost kingdom. For what purpose? Lyanna knew not. Robert would not tell her but it made him excited. Ned had once told her that Robert was coldly delighted when he saw the broken bodies of Princess Rhaenys and Prince Aegon, that he was even smiling at the prospect of Little Viserys and newborn Daenerys having their skulls dashed against the steps of Dragonstone. It sent shivers of disgust and trepidation through her. Lyanna decided it was best to temper her anxiety over their visit with excitement of her own. Excitement to see her Jaehaerys who she knew was Jon now, Jon Snow, but if she could only call him his true name in her head then that's what she would do.

Ned wrote her of him infrequently. She would have demanded regular updates, but it would seem strange for the queen to so often receive wellness checks about her brother's bastard son, so Ned would send ravens once every five or six moons telling her about all of his children and the North in general for both her and Robert's eyes, giving the illusion of the perfect Warden of the North and friend of the crown.

Soon Lyanna would lay eyes on her eldest son for the first time since he was a babe. She would also lay eyes on her home for the first time since before Jaehaerys was born and would meet her nieces and nephews for the first time. Jaehaerys would meet his living half-siblings for the first time as well, though he would think of them as cousins at best or simply the princes and princesses at worst.

It was funny in a way, if just a bit queer. She and Ned had always been so close growing up and Lyanna could see the similarities in directions their lives went even now.

Both had married people they never had intentions of and was hardly the ones they had wanted.

Lyanna had never wanted to marry Robert, that had been her father's handiwork. Perhaps he thought they'd be a match. They had run around wild as children when Lyanna got to visit Ned at the Eyrie. She was one of the few people who would speak up against Robert and not blindly follow him into his ill-conceived misadventures and she supposed that only entreated the boisterous, oft times overbearing man, to find greater interest in her but that was just who she was. Lyanna, for her part, had not been completely immune to the spell love could cast on one's senses. She had been mystified by Rhaegar despite her initial interest in him having little to do with love and more to do with what he promised her. He was a handsome man, no one could deny, and the way he had played his harp had moved her to tears. She had been swept up by his descriptions of the song of ice and fire and once he had said he could dissolve her betrothal to Robert, she would have agreed to anything he asked of her, whether it had been a child or a kidney. But she had grown to feel affections for him, he had made her laugh and he made her feel special, like she could have been the only person in the world. She hadn’t thought about all the very real other people who hadn’t been enchanted by Rhaegar’s songs and poems and prophecies and didn’t know why she had gone with him. She had accepted that she would produce Rhaegar’s daughter for his prophecy and then move on with her life, do whatever she wanted with her newfound freedom. She hadn’t realized just how prone to flights of fancy and prophecy over reality Rhaegar was until he refused to allow her to go home upon hearing about her father and brother’s deaths. Everything that made sense seemed to disappear in his quests to fulfill "destiny" as he saw it and it led them all to ruin.

Ned had wanted to marry Ashara Dayne. Lyanna didn't know as much as she would like about their relationship, just that they met at the tourney same as Lyanna and Rhaegar. Brandon had set the two up and they danced that night and talked other nights and grew an affection between them. Ned had wanted to ask Father to make a marriage arrangement. He was the second son after all, he had the freedom to marry a lady of Starfall and run off to Dorne if he so wanted but then Rhaegar took Lyanna away when he found out she was pregnant, leaving Princess Elia and the children behind even though Lyanna thought he should bring them too. Then her brother and father were killed and Ned had to marry Catelyn Tully to get the Riverlands on Robert's side.

Both she and Ned now had titles they never wanted.

She never wanted to be queen. Even when she felt a stirring in her chest for Rhaegar, she never would have stayed put with him after his supposed daughter was born. She would have gone off to forge a life for herself. Maybe she would have continued her career as the Knight of the Laughing Tree, entering tourneys as a mystery knight. Maybe she would have gone beyond the Wall and joined some band of Wildlings, fight snow bears and befriend direwolves. Maybe she would have gone to the Free Cities and joined the Company of the Rose, learn how to fight with a spear and wield a whip. Maybe she would have met some unknown fellow, a blacksmith or a cobbler or a landed knight and maybe he would have won her heart. Maybe she would have been taken with some barmaid or seamstress or she would have swept some damsel being harassed by thieves off their feet and that would have been her life, a life dictated and punctuated by what she wanted to do for herself and what she wanted herself to be, with no one to control her.

She did not want to usurp Princess Elia as Rhaegar’s queen. She would’ve hated being his queen as much as she did Robert’s and beyond that, the Dornish woman was trained to be a queen. Rhaegar, the few times he would speak to Lyanna about his wife and what she thought of his actions, had described her as gentle, wise, intelligent and loving. He said she knew what he was doing even if she did not necessarily approve. Lyanna wondered at how Rhaegar’s eye could shine with what she thought was love when he spoke about his wife, but he chose to stay with Lyanna at the Tower until he could not anymore. Sometimes she wondered if he did it only because he thought she was pregnant with his Visenya but sometimes a part of Lyanna wished that he did it out of some small sense of love for her. Not a boundless love, not one that would’ve made her stay but one that was present enough to at least hope to justify what had happened as a result of Lyanna and Rhaegar coming together.

Ned never wanted to be Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North. He wasn't supposed to be. Their father was yet a vital man back then and Brandon was the oldest and thus the heir. Secretly, Lyanna always thought Ned would end up being the Lord of Winterfell anyway even when people just viewed him as "the spare". Though she was closer to Ned, Brandon and she were of a kind. They both ran a bit too wild unlike Ned and Benjen. Their mother used to say that Lyanna and Brandon were her wolf-children, their blood was of the true North wanting them to be wild and free and untamable. Her wolf's blood hadn't helped her in the end and it didn't help Brandon either.

Ned raised five children, six if Jaehaerys counted and by all accounts he did. Lord Stark treated his natural son, Jon Snow, just as he did his trueborn children Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran and young Rickon. People said though Lady Stark may not like it, Jon Snow ate at Ned Stark's table. He trained and learned and played with Ned Stark's trueborn children. He went with Ned and Robb Stark to perform duties for the people of Winterfell and was raised as just as much of a leader and protector of the people of Winter Town as Ned's true heir. Many people thought it must be the Stark way to be so amenable to bastards because Queen Lyanna treated Robert's bastards as her own.

Lyanna also raised six children like Ned, but only two were her trueborn children with the king, the other four were Robert's baseborn children. Lyanna was sure there were probably more than the four Robert presented her with. She was not blind to his straying eyes even when he professed his love only for her. She gave him credit for trying at least to restrain himself in her presence and for not lying to her about the fruits of his exploits but still, that wasn't much of anything. Each bastard would be presented to her with a sea of remorse, apologies and material gifts to win her forgiveness. Lyanna had no forgiveness to give him. A part of her did not care if he slept with every woman from Casterly Rock to the Land of Always Winter, another part of her felt insulted that her husband should fight a war to get her back only to turn around and be unfaithful to her.

Even so, she placed no fault on the children's heads. They asked not to be born and least of all to a father as disinterested in them as Robert was. He cared as much for the children he squirted in various women’s bellies as he did for the kingdom he was letting fall apart for the sake of whores, wine and food. Robert was never suited to be king. Rhaegar would've been a good king, Ned would be an even better one and Jaehaerys was born into it, but Ned would not leave Winterfell and would hear none of it when Lyanna would make suggestions.

_' _A king can be put aside without war or bloodshed, especially for a better man if it came down to it.'__

' _You've spent too long in the south, you're playing their games now.'_

' _Aye. Elsewise you would no longer have a sister, big brother.'_

Mya Stone was the first child brought to her, a girl born before the rebellion to a tavern wench in the Vale of Arryn who died in childbirth. Lyanna had known about her, had been insulted by her existence. Finding out about her had been the last straw and that was when Lyanna had furiously started looking for ways to be rid of Robert. It was ironic how little she ended up caring about the child’s origins. Lyanna's little girl was born the first year of her marriage to Robert, a dark-haired beauty named Lyra for her grandmother Lyarra Stark. Robert brought home two bastard sons in the years after Lyra's birth, Gendry Waters and Edric Storm, both of whom Lyanna took away from Robert as she had little choice. He wasn't much of a parent, he had not the patience or gentleness for child-rearing if the way he was with Mya and Lyra was any indication. He showered them with lavish things but did little besides. She shuddered to think how he would be with the boys, rough and uncouth and forceful. He would break them and turn them into versions of him and she could not in good conscience allow that, so she took them under her wing.

It occupied her time anyway, caring for the children. Robert would barely allow her to lift a finger to do a thing for herself or allow her the freedom to actively fulfill her role as queen. She would do what she could for the smallfolk. She made sure they did not starve (the majority anyway) but she was not allowed into the lower town without so many guards she could barely breathe under the weight of their presence. The children were a nice aside from thinking of her imprisonment in King’s Landing. They took up so many of her hours that she barely had time or energy for Robert except for the nights when he would share her bed.

Eight years after Lyra, she birthed Robert's heir Ormund, named for his ancestor Ormund Baratheon. Lyanna named him thus because Ormund Baratheon the I was Hand to Jaehaerys Targaryen the II and it seemed fitting to her that that should be her second son's name, even though, as it was, he may be the one to ascend to the throne instead of Jaehaerys.

Just under two years prior, Robert went away to Dorne for a diplomatic mission only to return over a year later with a baby girl named Barra Sand, another bastard he placed in Lyanna's arms with his apologies. Lyanna listened to him repent before walking off with her new daughter. She was sorry the baby had spent so much time alone with Robert. She was lucky to have survived the ordeal, Lyanna was sure.

All of Robert's children shared his genes, strong Baratheon genes which made them dark haired and blue-eyed, so no one could doubt their paternity, and no one could tell which of his children were trueborn vs baseborn, except for little Barra. She had Dornish coloring, olive toned skin, but she still had her father's blue eyes. Lyanna thought of her own little Sand holding Barra, her Sand who had turned to Snow. If Rhaegar lived, Lyanna wasn’t sure what his response to Jaehaerys would’ve been. He was expecting a girl to complete his vision of the prophecy he held so dear. She did not doubt that he would do his duty and legitimize Jaehaerys, but she didn’t know if he would’ve been anything more than disappointed. She wondered what he would have done with her. Would he have wanted her to stay to try for a girl? Would he have wanted to marry her and name her his Queen Consort? Other kings had done so, kept a wife and then several other women publicly at court. Her presence would’ve been seen as a threat and an insult to Princess Elia, Lyanna having produced a boy child where the Dornish woman could produce no more children at all. But even if Rhaegar had asked her, Lyanna would not have stayed around to be his concubine. She would have visited her son often if Rhaegar elected to keep him or take him with her wherever she chose to go if she could, but she wouldn’t have stayed to be the Dragon prince’s ornament as much as she was Robert’s, to have people whisper about her around court like they did now. The noblemen and women at the Red Keep would look on Lyanna with false sympathy, especially before Ormund was born.

 _'Poor Queen Lyanna. She is not even able to keep her husband's attention long enough for him not to stray. Soon she will have a bastard for every region of Westeros. Perhaps King Robert will move on to Essos once he's placed enough bastard babes in the bellies of Westerosi women.'_ They would say.

Lyanna put that from her mind though. She cared not what Robert did with his seed, she cared for her son. Why was he going to Winterfell? Did he know? How could he know? He couldn't. Then again, King's Landing was full of traitors and sycophants. Littlefinger would divulge her secrets in a second if he knew because it would put him one step closer to the throne. Varys was a bit more trustworthy in his silent allegiance to House Targaryen but only just. Besides Lyanna was not a Targaryen in name and neither was Jaehaerys. Viserys and Daenerys still lived somewhere and Lyanna had no delusions that his lot wouldn't be thrown in with them when it came down to it. Pycelle was as trustworthy as Tywin Lannister, in that they were not trustworthy at all. Renly adored Lyanna but if he thought he could curry favor with Robert, his favorite brother, he would give her away. Stannis never stayed long in the capital but he would give away her son in the cold way he did everything in his life. He was even cold with his own wife and baby Shireen who, by all accounts, should have died from the greyscale. To be fair, he was at his most passionate when with the child but that wasn't saying much. The only saving grace in that nest of vipers was Jon Arryn but Robert barely listened to his suggestions.

Any of them could've told Robert but if he did know, surely he would kill Jaehaerys in front of everyone. He would summon Ned and her son to King's Landing only to drag her boys through the streets of the city like trophies. He'd beat her son and make his death long and painful for little more than the false sin of having a father named Targaryen. She felt her heart jumping uncomfortably in her chest and a shiver rolled down her spine at the horrible mental image her demons crafted for her as she sat in her carriage with the six children. Mya, Lyra, Gendry and Edric peered out the windows at the snow-capped landscape around them as they ambled through Winter Town, getting closer and closer to Winterfell. Ormund stuck close to his mother's side as Barra dozed in Septa Lysene's arms, wrapped up snuggly against the cold.

A part of her wished to leave the carriage and greet everyone in the town, reunite with those she would play with as a child and reminisce about what she had left behind when she became the queen, but if she left the carriage she'd be unceremoniously surrounded by guardsmen before she could blink. Most of the children, besides Gendry, feared the kingsguard. Lyanna could not blame them. They were a stoic, imposing lot. Especially ever since Ser Jaime was sent back to Casterly Rock to take his rightful place as heir after Cersei Lannister became Cersei Martell and Tywin Lannister disinherited his son Tyrion for marrying a servant girl. Lyanna had liked chatting with Ser Jaime, he was amusing if nothing else. Occasionally, she wondered if he hated her. He would give her a look every now and then. He was mostly tightlipped about the Rebellion but he had mentioned to her once when they were getting good and drunk in her chambers that he had loved Princess Rhaenys and Prince Aegon and considered Princess Elia a friend, that if he could do it over he wished he could’ve saved them and killed Aerys at the same time. A part of Lyanna, a part of her steeped in remorse and regret, felt a righteous anger for Rhaegar’s wife and children and how they were slaughtered. Sometimes she felt like there was an unsettled debt between the two women, like she owed Princess Elia for the pain she must have helped put her through right up until the end. She wanted to pay that debt forward with Ser Gregor Clegane or Tywin Lannister’s heads, but Robert didn’t care enough to grant such a request, especially since he was the most in debt to the Old Lion financially, even more than the Iron Bank. Not for the first time Lyanna lamented what a terrible king her husband was.

Winterfell was as somber and grey as ever. Lyanna loved it. She could see Ned lined up in the courtyard with his Tully wife and his Tully children and the other members of his household but she did not see Jaehaerys, or maybe she did and just wouldn't know him. Robert left his carriage first, stomping his way towards Ned, the earth seeming to tremble and be crushed under his heavy, commanding boot. He had gained weight since Ned last saw him, his days spent feasting and drinking catching up with him. Some saw him as more intimidating because of it. Lyanna secretly amused herself with it. It was almost like all the bastards left him with the child-bearing hips and broad bones rather than the mothers.

She took her time exiting her carriage, helping all the children out as well before she approached Ned and Robert slowly, her eyes briefly meeting Ned's and seeing the seriousness and edge of anxiety in them before he hid it under a brooding exterior.

"Gods, you all always were a sullen lot. So bloody depressing. You've spent too long in the North, lost your sense of adventure." Robert said gruffly, smacking Ned's shoulder and causing him to rock backwards. Ned gave him a genuine smile and pulled him into a hug before turning to Lyanna and bowing.

"My Queen." Lyanna rolled her eyes in a decidedly unqueenly manner.

"Stop it. Give your sister a hug." Ned leaned forward and kissed her cheek, hugging her softly, delicately, like she was precious. Ned always saw her as such even when she made a mess of things.

"Introduce me to my nieces and nephews." She said.

 _Introduce me to my son._ Was left unsaid but Ned could hear it all the same.

She went down the line meeting Robb, a boy of ten and two, with curly brown-red hair and a carefree yet sincere grin upon his young face, his blue eyes dancing with light. Sansa was a dainty thing even at nine with hair Tully-red and eyes Tully-blue who curtseyed too perfectly when Lyanna stood before her. Arya was the exact opposite of her sister. Lyanna could see dirt on the girl's hands where the seven-year-old attempted to hide them. There was a wildness in her Stark grey eyes that Lyanna knew all too well and she gifted the brown-haired girl with a smile as she curtseyed awkwardly. Bran, at six years of age, seemed to bounce in place despite his mother's grip on his shoulder to keep him still. He appeared to want to run and never stop. That was familiar too and she ruffled the boy's brown hair, earning a squeak from him in response. She granted Ned's two Stark children with another smile before greeting her good-sister. Catelyn shared her daughter's Tully looks and beauty. She'd met her once or twice, both formal affairs. The woman held two-year-old Rickon in her arms, the toddler cooing softly, curls of light red hair peeking from under the cap he wore. They shared a cool greeting, kissing one another's cheeks politely before Lyanna turned to the boys at Ned's left side.

"Sister, this is my natural son, Jon Snow, and my ward Theon Greyjoy." She noted the boy standing beside her son briefly. His hair was lighter than most Greyjoys, a sandy brown rather than dark but most of her attention was taken by the boy who she was right in realizing she did not recognize, though upon closer inspection she could see how much he resembled her and Ned. It was no wonder people believed the story that he was Ned's bastard son despite some doubting he'd sully his honor. The boy shared the Stark grey eyes and dark Stark hair, his hair being inky black like hers and Brandon's rather than brown like Ned's or Benjen's. He had the long Stark face and a somberness that made him look even more like Ned but he smiled genially at her and bowed before her.

"My Queen." He said simply. Lyanna felt her heart constrict at that. Before she could say anything, Robert laughed boisterously, startling Rickon but not Barra who had grown used to such outbursts from her father.

"And here I was thinking it must be a very persistent rumor, Ned Stark with a bastard. A bastard he keeps with him no less. Can't be the Ned I know. Hoarding bastards, must be a Stark trait. Guess you're not as perfect as everyone says, huh?" Robert said jokingly. She saw Ned shift uncomfortably at Robert's jest and Jaehaerys shifted too, looking at the ground as Lady Stark woodenly rocked her now fussy child.

"Robert." Lyanna chastised sharply. Robert gave her a clueless look.

"What? I'm only joking. I've brought my bastard brood as well. We've got Lyra and Ormund and all the rest." Robert replied. Lyanna scoffed before introducing the children one by one to the group. Servants swiftly came then to show them to their quarters. Lyanna watched the kingsguard go ahead, trampling their way through the corridors ahead of them. They would taint it, they would taint her home with their Southern stench and Southern ideals and Southern games. And she would taint it too, she realized.

When she was a child that was what she wanted. She wanted to go South and become a knight so she could fight and ride and do as she pleased away from her father who would barely budge when Lyanna told him what she desired. What she wanted didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Now she was relegated to being a delicate queen surrounded by guards who would make sure she did not trip over her own skirts to her death.

She would laugh if she could breathe even for a moment but she and Robert were in Winterfell and her Jaehaerys was here. She wouldn't breathe until they were well away from the North and her child was safe once more.

**~*~*~**

She watched from the balcony as the children played in the training grounds. Off to the side Bran was showing Ormund one of his toys before enticing the four-year-old to follow him but the rest of the children played a game of make-believe. Robb had declared himself to be Roland of the Horn. Jaehaerys declared himself the Knight of the Laughing Tree (and wasn't that just the cruelest irony). Gendry claimed the title of Bors the Breaker. Edric grinned at Ser Barristan before claiming Barristan the Bold. Arya jumped in, claiming herself to be Queen Nymeria of the Rhoynor. Mya said she was Danny Flint. Sansa and Lyra came along and the redheaded girl claimed herself to be Jonquil which, if her siblings' reactions were any indication, she did often. Lyra said she was to be Princess Daeryssa and the others should save them. She couldn't help but notice every time she watched them play this game that they would carefully avoid any Targaryen heroes or warriors. Ned probably advised them to do so with Robert present. He would not react well to the mere mention of a Targaryen.

She also could not help but notice how Robb and Jaehaerys would whisper together and smile, almost not needing to speak to one another while sharing their private jokes. She noticed how Arya seemed to gravitate towards her son even more than to her trueborn siblings. In her short time in Winterfell, she would often see Jaehaerys walking around with the rumpled, dirty girl as his second shadow muttering things that made her son laugh with abandon. He didn't do that with anyone else. Even with Robb there was some reservation there. She noticed how Bran would be just as underfoot as he was likely to be off on his own adventures, frightening his mother with his tree climbing. Sansa was like a proper Southron lady. She barely paid much attention to Jaehaerys but she paid little attention to most of her siblings but for playing with them in the yard when they were meant to save her. She worried for her niece in that regard, it would not be a trait that served her in her life.

Jaehaerys seemed to become closer to her husband's children than he did his siblings. Of course, he did not know Lyra and Ormund were his siblings at all. Ormund was a young boy, better suited to playing with Bran or even Rickon lest the older children be saddled with caring for another young one. Lyra was just as much of a Southern lady as Sansa despite Lyanna's attempts to put some steel and iron in her daughter. She'd learn as she grew older Lyanna hoped but Lyra did not wish to play with the boys (or Arya and Mya) so she, Sansa and a young girl named Jeyne Poole would run off fantasizing about princes and castles and whirlwind romances that bards would sing of for centuries. Instead, Jaehaerys struck up a quick kinship with Mya, Gendry and Edric and they would often run about together.

' _Snow, Stone, Storm and Waters: a merry brotherhood of base bastards.'_ The Greyjoy boy teased. The four seemed to find themselves together more times than not, tearing through the yards along with Arya and even Robb when Lady Catelyn allowed it, though she seemed to have given up trying to separate Jaehaerys and Arya and trying to control her younger daughter in general besides scolding her for her unladylike behavior. Still, at least the Lady of Winterfell knew a losing battle when she saw one. She continued to stare at the children before she felt a presence beside her.

"My Queen." She glanced at Lady Catelyn as she stopped beside her.

"Lady Stark." They stood silently for a moment, watching vigilantly as their children sword fought with their sticks to rescue the princesses.

"I would ask you a question, My Queen, if you don't think it too forward." Lady Catelyn said after a long moment.

"You are my good-sister, I welcome whatever question it is."

"How do you do it? How do you allow _them_ to enter your home and steal away your husband's attention from his trueborn children? How do you keep yourself sane when you have to watch your husband with this child which is entirely his own, which he would keep to himself from the world if he could? How do you not stay awake nights wondering who it was that stole your husband's attentions? Wondering if it was you who did something wrong?" Lyanna paused, glancing at her good-sister.

Catelyn had a positively hateful look on her face as she glared at the child she knew as Jon Snow playing with the other children. On one hand, Lyanna understood in the way women scorned could understand one another. That first time when Mya was brought to her, her grief over losing Jaehaerys to distance and circumstance was still at an all-time high. She married Robert against the warnings of Ned because she thought it best to keep an eye on his machinations in order to protect her son. Then, he approached her with his daughter, begging that she let the girl in their household even if just as a maidservant. Lyanna had been livid. He would bring his child to her for safety when she could not even be in the same region as her own for fear of his safety from Robert himself. She knew when she was first betrothed to Robert that she'd probably have a keep full of his bastards or at the very least, intimate knowledge of their existence and she knew she would be the butt of every lady's jests the second she married him. Everyone knew he was a whoremonger, he always had been and would remain so no matter who he married but she thought kingship might leave him too busy to procreate where he pleased. She was wrong. Then the thought that she had done the same thing to another person made her feel like a hypocrite for being angry at all. She wondered if Princess Elia would’ve felt the same anger and hatred if Rhaegar had come to her after the Rebellion with Jaehaerys in his arms. That guilt had spurred her to allow Mya to stay. Somehow though, through a force only the Gods could understand, she learned to love every bastard brought to her with what love and passion she had left inside of her after the Rebellion. She was sure there wasn’t any man or woman alive that would capture her heart, least of all Robert, but the children managed to hold it in their palms.

On the other hand, the child Catelyn Stark happened to hate was Lyanna's child. Her sweet, innocent boy who never asked for his parents to make such a great mess of the world before he'd even been brought into it. Her boy who Lyanna would raze kingdoms and move mountains for. Her boy who sang sweet songs in the godswood with Sansa when she allowed it and sounded so much like his father in those moments that Lyanna's heart would break and mend itself back together as she listened unseen. Her boy who, from what she observed, would probably grow to be even more skilled with a sword than she or Rhaegar was. Her boy who was just so good she could hardly fathom he had come from her at all. If she did not remember birthing him, she could truly believe he had come from Ned. He was the only man in the world who Lyanna could think to produce something so pure because it surely wasn't her or Rhaegar. She wished to cut Catelyn down to size, stop her gaze which made Jaehaerys jump when he realized he was the subject of it before returning to the game and ignoring the women at the insistence of Robb, but she couldn't do that.

"Our situations are not quite the same, my lady. Not one of my children can steal the attention of their father for none of them have it. He would keep no child to himself, not his baseborn nor his trueborn. I don't bother wondering who has stolen my husband's attentions from me because I know the number is too quantitative to count on my fingers. He spends more attention on his whores than his kingdom. However, that is not the children's fault. They are innocent pawns in a cyvasse game. I mean to protect them, keep them close to me. I am their mother. They know no other and they never will. I keep them to me and maybe one day Robert will give them his name, but they will be in the line of succession behind all of my children." Lyanna answered, she had been careful how she worded that to Robert, 'behind all of my children', that included Jaehaerys.

"I've tried." Catelyn admitted softly.

"I've tried to make myself love Jon Snow. I've prayed for days to all seven gods to allow me the strength and wisdom to do so in exchange for his life after he had gotten sick with the pox. I couldn't do it. I was weak. Yet you manage with four children rather than just one."

"I don't call myself strong or weak for it. It is just who I am. I love all my children. All the better to make sure no one of Robert's mistreated bastards tries to usurp my son. Love handles that better than anything else. All of Robert's bastards were born of lust, love is something they would know little of without me. Were it up to Robert, they would work in service of his house rather than be members of it. Jon was born of love, not a simple love, but still love. It is not so easy for Ned to ignore the boy and send him to the kitchens or smithy to work." Lyanna was not sure she would ever truly untangle all of her mixed feelings where Rhaegar was concerned but she did know there was love there.

"I hear Ashara Dayne was a beautiful woman." Catelyn commented unexpectedly.

"Aye, she was. Ned would've married her if..." Lyanna trailed off then.

"If Prince Rhaegar had not kidnapped you and King Aerys had not killed Brandon." Catelyn finished, her voice turning cold as she clearly struggled to say Brandon's name. Lyanna knew not what the extent of her relationship with her first betrothed was but she was certain Brandon would have acquainted himself with his intended in between all his other exploits. Catelyn had been at the tourney at Harrenhal after-all.

That damn tourney. People said Harrenhal was haunted and it seemed to be true in a way. So many fell foolishly into affairs their young hearts did not understand, only for it to end in tragedy. Ned and Ashara. Brandon and Catelyn. Lyanna and Rhaegar.

"The second time I saw my husband after a long absence, it was with another woman's child. I don't think I can ever not see Jon Snow as that... _stranger_ , that intruder who got my husband before his own heir did. Who will always have had him more than I have."

"Ned loves you, I can tell. He also loves his son. Do not ask him to choose, my lady." Lyanna felt compelled to warn her.

"I would not. I would fear the answer too much." Lyanna did not say anything more. There was nothing more she had to say that would not either sound too barbed for a woman defending her brother's bastard child or too sympathetic to her own ears towards the woman who hated her son, so she left the woman to stew in her emotions and instead enjoyed the laughter of her children mingling together in a way she never thought she would get to, at least not so soon.

**~*~*~**

Lyanna used to be able to sleep soundly in Winterfell. She had got the most rest she ever had in her life during her years living in the North. Now she laid awake in bed next to Robert's snoring form, unable to fall asleep. She had not gotten to talk to Ned in the four days they were here, she still did not know what Robert wanted from Ned as Robert would not tell her and she could not find a moment to talk to Ned alone.

She pushed herself up and grabbed her thick wool robe, pulling it around herself before tip-toeing out of the room. She looked up and down the hall, noticing the guards and noting where they were before she began sneaking her way away from them. She should feel ashamed. She was a woman grown having to slip her way through corridors to get a moment alone but she could not do so at the Red Keep as they seemed to be never-ending in number there but she knew Winterfell still, better than they ever would. She made her way down the steps to the courtyard. As she looked around the deserted place, she could hear faint voices coming from the training yard. She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. Who would be out training at this time of night?

As she rounded the corner, she saw her son silhouetted in the moonlight, his curly hair bouncing white light off onto Arya's glistening face as she bit her lip in concentration, a bow in her hand.

"You have to be patient, focus on the target but not so much that the rest of the world disappears. That won't be useful in battle. You know how to do this; your aim is true. Just trust yourself and make sure you follow through." Jaehaerys counseled the young girl. They both wore their nightclothes with fur cloaks over the thinner material. Her son held a practice sword in his hand and there was another discarded not too far away. She wondered how long they had been out there but there was a shine of sweat on both of their foreheads which told her they'd been at it a moment.

"No, no darling. You've got to relax your bow arm much more than that." Lyanna said, making herself known to the two. Both jumped as they turned to her before Jaehaerys looked down repentantly and Arya looked at her defiantly.

"Queen Lyanna. We weren't doing anything..." The girl said quickly, trailing off as she realized her lie was useless.

"It is quite late for you children to be out and about." Arya shrugged in response.

"S'not that late. I've been up later." She replied with an air of pride.

"I've stayed up longer than Jon and Robb even."

"Only just." Jaehaerys clarified.

"Still, I did anyway. Why are you awake?" Arya asked the queen brazenly. Jaehaerys knocked his shoulder against hers in response causing Arya to bat his arm in retaliation.

"Arya! Forgive us, My Queen. She's not learned on all of her courtesies just yet."

"Hang the stupid courtesies. They're dumb." The girl mumbled loudly before turning back to the target with the bow and arrow.

"You're much too tense, dear. You'll have difficulty hitting the target like that."

"I've done it before." Her niece replied defensively.

"After how many tries?" Lyanna asked. Arya looked down at that. Jaehaerys smiled a little at the girl's expression, knocking his shoulder against hers again but in a decidedly more companionable manner rather than in chastisement. It reminded her painfully of herself and Ned.

"Does Ned know about your little practice sessions?" Arya shrugged in response again.

"I think so. It's hard to hide things from Father. He doesn't say anything about it though." Jaehaerys said.

"Can you shoot?" Arya asked curiously.

"I can." Both children looked surprised at that making Lyanna laugh.

"I'll have you know you're talking to the Knight of the Laughing Tree." She laughed again as they both looked at her with shock and admiration.

"You're a knight?" Arya asked hopefully, her eyes shining with interest. Lyanna smiled sadly at the girl who was shaping up to be her favorite niece.

"Not anymore. I'm a queen now, queens can't be warriors."

"Queen Nymeria was."

"A common misconception. She was more of a general than anything else. She commanded armies well and she was smart but it's good to know of battle firsthand to grow so skilled, it's true. Perhaps that'll be you one day, Lady Commander of a kingsguard." Lyanna replied. She could see it. She could see Ormund as Jaehaerys' hand and Arya as his Lady Commander and most trusted sworn sword. Robb would be a good ally. Ironborn trusted no one, least of all each other so she knew better than to count on the Greyjoy boy's future support but she was getting ahead of herself as she was wont to do.

"I would like that. I want to be a fighter, a warrior, not so much a knight though. Bran wants to be a knight but I think they can be overrated. Can you show me how to shoot? Jon's better with a sword than a bow." Arya said, handing the bow to her. Lyanna took it and gave the children a wink before shooting the target without looking. Her son's face shone with awe and admiration for her and Lyanna felt warm under his gaze, flashing him a grin which he returned after a moment's surprise and hesitation.

She spent well over an hour with her son and niece showing them how to shoot, improving on the skills they already had. She did not think there was much of anything left for her to teach her son now, Ned had almost done it all but she was able to share this with him, brushing up his techniques with a gentle hand and gentler words until he was improving in real time. Arya was beside him shooting bullseyes with almost every arrow. The girl could be a force of nature one day, both of them could be, but it was obvious to her that Winterfell stifled them. They were held under by the cruel gazes of Catelyn and the roles set forth for them as a bastard and a lady. Lyanna already knew how it was. She grew up in Winterfell after all and for all her love of the North, it had hindered her growth as well. She wanted what was best for her son, she wanted the best for his future. She was his mother, she could still make these decisions.

She decided to walk both children back to their rooms after she saw them trying unsuccessfully to stifle their yawns. She showed the best way to sneak back to their rooms, avoiding the guards much to the children's amusement and respect. They dropped Arya off first, the girl giving both Jaehaerys and Lyanna a hug with a cheerful,

"Goodnight, brother. Goodnight, Aunt Lyanna." Before sneaking into the room she was sharing with Sansa.

Then it was just her and her son. She had not been alone with him since he was a babe. He gazed up at her with uncertainty and nervousness but Lyanna gave him a smile to put him at ease.

"Come on." She beckoned, holding out a hand to him. Jaehaerys took it after a moment's hesitation and let her lead him through the halls towards where she knew his room was. He had a room to himself closer to the servants' quarters than to his siblings' rooms but it was still befitting a child of the Lord of Winterfell.

"Thank you for escorting me, My Queen." The boy said, bowing before turning to go. Lyanna placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Actually, might I come in for a while?" Jaehaerys gave her a confused gaze before holding the door open for her. She smiled at his chivalry before walking ahead of him. The room was an average room but there was a shelf with a multitude of keepsakes. An arrow on display, a few carved figurines, some obviously carved with a better hand than others, among which were wolves and trouts and falcons and dragons. She grabbed the better made dragon figure and twisted it in the moonlight. The work was such that the scales were textured and almost shined.

"Did you do this?" She asked, turning to the boy who stood awkwardly behind her.

"No, My Queen. Robb had it made and gave it to me as a nameday gift because he knows I like Aemon the Dragonknight."

"The noblest knight who ever lived some call him, for better or worse. Do you want to be a knight?" Lyanna asked him curiously, walking over to the desk beside his bed to light the candle there. The room illuminated in a soft orange glow, clearly showing her Jaehaerys' blush at the question.

"I don't know. I mean, I'm a bastard. I have no claim over lands or titles so I will have to work for my own, which I can. Knighthood would not be so bad I suppose."

"You wouldn't want to be a lord of your own holdfast?" She asked.

"When I was younger I dreamed... but that doesn't matter."

"I think it does. In fact, I think your dreams for yourself matter a great deal." Her son frowned in response to that.

"Why? I'm just a motherless bastard, baseborn." Lyanna's back straightened at that.

"You are not." She protested in a tone that was perhaps too harsh. Her son's eyes widened at the tone before immediately filling with remorse as if he did something wrong. Lyanna stopped him before he could apologize.

"You are the son of the Lord of Winterfell and the Warden of the North, you are not just a bastard. You seem close to your brothers and sisters, Robb could appoint you to his council or name you the commander of his army. You could follow your sister Arya if she marries. I think she would need you by her side being as unconventional as she is. Ned could give you your own castle and people to look after and they would depend on you as their lord." Jaehaerys shifted at that.

"What's wrong with that?"

"That would be nice I suppose but I would only have those things because my family gave them to me, not because I earned it of my own merit." Lyanna held back a smile at that. Gods, he was Ned's double it was eerie. It only made her love for her son deepen.

"That is noble of you."

"Uncle Benjen..." He started hesitantly.

"Yes? What about my little brother?"

"He says that the Night's Watch is a great honor, an important honor. It doesn't matter where you come from there, every man has to prove his own worth in order to gain respect. I could be a ranger, I could be the shield that guards the realms of men. And it wouldn't matter that I'm a bastard there or Lord Stark's son, I would just be Jon, a brother of the Watch." Her son said, his voice wistful and hopeful. Lyanna felt cold at it. The thought of her son at that cold, desolate place surrounded by former criminals... what flights of fancy has Benjen been putting in her boy's head?

"You've thought of this a lot." Lyanna stated rather than question. Jaehaerys looked sheepish all of a sudden.

"I asked Father about it but he said I'm much too young and I could revisit it when I'm older."

"Wise words. It's a lifelong commitment, you know. You can't change your mind no matter what and you'll be far away from your family, perhaps never to see them again."

"They could visit..." Jaehaerys rebutted weakly.

"Aye, they could. It wouldn't be the same though, would it?"

"No, I guess not." He said, looking down and biting his lip as if to stop himself speaking.

"If you have something to say, do not censor yourself. I'd love to hear it."

 _I would listen to you simply speak all night if I could, Sweetling._ She thought to herself.

"It's just... why do you care? It can't just be because I'm your Lord brother's bastard, surely. Lady Stark does not care. She would be happy to see me go. Mayhaps others in Winterfell as well." Lyanna crouched down in front of her son, their matching grey eyes locking together as she held his hand in hers.

"It is exactly because of who you are that I care. I care for all of my family, I would see all of them safe and happy and in places where I believe is suited for the person they are. You're a good child, a kind boy, loyal, caring. I can see that just in the few days I've been here. I would not have a gem such as you shuffled off to the Wall to live out your days in the cold. There is some honor there, there is no doubt, but I would have you see the world, fall in love, have children mayhaps. Live your life. That would be the most important thing. Life is so precious, it rarely ever goes how you want or hope but if there is an opportunity to make your life more than it is, I hope you take it for the betterment of you. I hope you're as caring and kind with yourself as you are with your siblings. You deserve the world, my precious boy. I would see you have it and not be denied a thing." Lyanna said softly, her hand caressing Jaehaerys' cheek as his eyes grew glassy with tears at her tender words and touch. He wobbled in place for a moment before throwing his arms around her shoulders. Lyanna melted in her son's arms returning his embrace with just as much ferocity as he hugged her with. His shoulders shook with silent sobs but she only held him closer, rubbing his back soothingly.

She could not say for how long she held him for before he pulled away, swiping at his eyes self-consciously.

"Thank you, My Queen."

"You needn't call me that, you know." She said almost as if on instinct before instantly regretting it at his obvious next question.

"What should I call you then?" Lyanna looked down sadly. He could not call her who she truly was to him. He could not call her Mother.

"You can call me Aunt Lyanna. I am Ned's sister after all."

"Okay, Aunt Lyanna." Lyanna smiled sadly again before rousing herself.

"Let's get you into bed, it's long past your bedtime."

"I'm nearly a man grown, I haven't got a bedtime." Jaehaerys protested, though the yawn that he gave right after that seemed to negate that statement.

"Nearly a man grown but not grown yet. Knights, lords and Night's Watchmen alike need sleep. Take it from a knight herself." Lyanna said with amusement, pulling back his sheet as he removed his cloak and then slipped into his bed. She tucked him in with his furs and bed linens before pressing his dragon figurine into his hand and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Pleasant dreams, my sweetling."

"Good night, Aunt Lyanna." She smiled with melancholy once more before blowing out his candle and leaving her son to rest.

As she trapezed her way back to her bedroom, she could not help but check on her other children. Mya and Lyra slept in a bed together, their black hair tangled on the sheets so she could not tell whose was whose. Mya's lean, toner arm was flung around the younger girl's waist protectively and Lyanna smiled. Lyra often had night terrors, dreams she would not divulge to anyone but Mya and her big sister was often the only one able to calm her from her worst ones. Though they had completely opposite personalities, Lyra looked up to Mya and Mya was fiercely protective of her younger siblings. The boys were sprawled much more inelegantly in their room. Gendry practically hung off one end of the bed with Edric on his stomach snoring away on the other end and Ormund curled in a ball between them. None of their limbs touched the other though, the older boys giving Ormund enough space not to catch any flailing arms or legs should they swing.

They would do this at the Red Keep. Her children would dogpile into one of the larger beds and fall asleep sprawled together and on top of each other. Robert would say they were getting too old for it, especially Mya who was one and five, Lyra who was one and two and Gendry who was ten but Lyanna saw no harm in letting her children be children and bond together to forge a relationship that would outlast Lyanna's time on Earth. They would not be so with their oldest brother yet, not just yet, but he was forging his relationships with the family he grew in and that was important too. Lyanna would need Ned in the future if Jaehaerys was ever to be king. She would always need Ned in truth.

She reluctantly returned to her bedroom and did not immediately look towards the bed, her eye instead drawing to Barra's crib where the babe slept soundlessly. She pressed a finger to the baby's stomach, feeling her lungs expand with each breath she took, assuring Lyanna that she was alive and there and tangible. All of her children were under this roof and they were safe. She walked over to the bed and slipped in noiselessly, her back to Robert as she clenched her eyes closed to try to sleep but tensed when her husband's heavy hand came down on her hip.

"Should I be jealous, my love? You've been gone for some time."

"Yes, My King, I've convinced you to take this trip for reasons I still know not just so I could continue my torrid long-distance affair with Ser Jory Cassel." Lyanna replied, her voice sounding light and playful but her face betraying no such emotion.

"I suppose I haven't told you what all I've been up to." He replied, sounding like a chastised child.

"No, you have not."

"I asked Ned to come South." Lyanna's eyes scrunched at that. She did not let herself jump to conclusions.

"Why?"

"I asked him to be my Hand." Lyanna paused, stuck between relief and confusion.

"Jon Arryn is your Hand."

"I love the man, he's like a father to me but he is old. He will die soon. It's best if he takes his unhinged wife and simpleton son back to the Vale and lives out his days there."

"Should it not be within a man's own assessment of himself to decide whether he is virile enough to offer the king his counsel? Has not Jon Arryn been a loyal and good servant?"

"I thought you'd be happy. I thought you'd want Ned to be in King's Landing with you. You two were always close." Robert replied, a clear frown in his voice.

 _I don't want him to be_ ** _your_** _council. You wouldn't listen to him anyway. You'd drive him insane, and that bloodsucking council of yours would either eat him alive or turn him into one of them. I won't have it._ She thought but she could not say that.

"I love Ned, I just fear for how well he'd do in the South. You know how different it is than here. He is not suited for it." She settled on.

"You worry for him. Don't, he refused me." Robert sounded like the very action confused him. He was the king now, no one refused him so she supposed it probably did confound him but that was Ned.

"Well, Jon is still there. You needn't revisit this until your Stranger comes for him. Regardless, this was a nice trip. It's good to get away from the capital every now and again and be around my family. All of the children are lovely, aren't they? And our children seem happy to be around others their own age again. The last time was the Tyrells when we went to Highgarden and that was years ago."

"Aye." Robert replied simply and with disinterest, his hand rubbing her hip. Lyanna knew what it meant but she was hardly in the mood. She leaned back and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before turning towards the wall.

"Goodnight, Robert." He sighed with disappointment before turning around to face the window overlooking his side of the bed.

Lyanna replayed every second of every interaction with Jaehaerys back in her head as she waited for Robert to fall asleep. Her eyes flickered to Barra in the cradle, her tawny skin looking lighter under the stars' gleam. How many times when he was first born did she get to just watch her Jaehaerys sleep? Not many because there were still so many worries, but she remembered laying him across her lap and watching his back rise and fall with each breath as her fingertips lightly brushed against his black locks, thick even at birth. She replayed the hug they just shared, the way he melted into it like he was starved for an affectionate touch. She had seen Ned pat his shoulder and muss his hair but she had not seen him hug him and she knew Lady Catelyn would not. His siblings would, Arya and Bran being most frequent, but a sibling's love was not the same as a parent's and what her son missed the most was a mother's touch. A woman's care.

He wouldn't receive it in Winterfell and he could not come to King's Landing with her, she would not throw him to the lion's den. So, what was she to do to ease her son's pain?

The question had her silently holding back the tears that wished to push out of her but she would not let them. She kept her eyes on Barra's sleeping form, counting the baby's breaths to take her mind off her grief.

**~*~*~**

She did not get to speak to Ned until two days after her first conversation with Jaehaerys. Lyanna had been sitting in the godswood when she got the letter from Maester Luwin who handed her the note with a grandfatherly smile before walking away.

 _Meet me where the stone wolves stand._ \- N

Lyanna stood after another moment and slowly made her way to the crypts, drawing as little attention to herself as she could. She evaded her guards as she had been doing the past six days of their trip much to their chagrin and Robert's protests, and made her way to the resting place of her family. Ned stood before the effigy of their brother, his eyes softer than he would allow in public. Lyanna knew Ned and Brandon had their differences. Brandon had been so wild and carefree and Ned worried endlessly about everyone and everything. Brandon acted as if he were the second son rather than the first and would shirk his duties onto Ned so he could chase his fancies. He had been a young boy after-all, he wanted to see the world before being stuck inside a keep with a wife. Lyanna could not fault him for that but he had been a hothead and storming the Red Keep to demand answers of a lunatic ruler had ended as well as one would expect it to.

"Do you remember when he dared all of us to climb the Broken Tower?" Ned asked suddenly as she stood at the end of the hall, the torches casting a red glow on his face.

"He said he had climbed all the way to the top himself and that he could see all of Winterfell from it." Lyanna recalled, making her way to Ned.

"Neither part was true but us three younger children set ourselves to climb it. You were well ahead of Benjen and I, you would've won but I fell. I didn't even hurt myself much but you scrambled down after me and Benjen continued to the top and won Brandon's bet." Lyanna smiled a little at the memory. That had been when their mother was still alive. She had been beside herself when she learned they were climbing and forbade them to do it again. Secretly, Lyanna and Ned climbed to the top of the tower that night.

"Bran reminds me of his namesake sometimes. It seems all he ever wants to do is run off for some grand adventure and the Gods help whoever tries to hold him back."

"He's a good lad. He'll be a great warrior one day."

"Aye."

"How well do these walls hear?" Lyanna asked after a moment.

"We're among friends here but still, I've ensured our words will be safe. Speak as you will."

"Robert told me he asked you to be his Hand but you refused him."

"Yes."

"Why? I'm sure I could guess but tell me."

"I don't want to go South and leave my family. It's not a place for me or them. Besides, Jon Arryn yet lives. He was as a father to me, I won't usurp his title because Robert wants me to run his kingdom for him." Lyanna nodded, her suspicions confirmed.

"Robert would not tell me for a long while what this trip was about. I feared he found out about him."

"I did too when he first told me of the trip... though you certainly aren't helping." Ned continued. Lyanna narrowed her eyes at that.

"What do you mean?"

"You're spending a lot of time with him."

"He's my son."

"To the world, he's your bastard nephew and you spend more time publicly with him than you do Robb or Bran or Rickon."

"Everyone thinks I have an innate soft spot for bastards because I raise Robert's, it won't draw undue attention." Lyanna said, dismissing the thought but in truth she knew she acted dangerously. In the past two days since she found Jaehaerys and Arya practicing at night, Lyanna had joined them each night, regaling them with her stories about posing as a man to enter the tourney as the Knight of the Laughing Tree and growing up in Winterfell with Brandon, Ned and Benjen. Her family ate with Ned's and she oft found herself sitting beside her son and even sharing food with him from her plate, mostly desserts as she noticed he would split his in two and give the halves to Sansa and Arya. She would sit with him at the godswood when he prayed, silently praying beside him. They walked around the keep and talked, him telling her stories of his favorite knights and warriors and her eating up every word he said. She would be leaving soon and she wanted all the memories she could possibly make with her son. He seemed both reluctant and pleased about the attention she gave him and Robert simply laughed it off, teasing that she would be known in the history books as the Queen of Bastards if she were not careful. She was just glad that he did not seem to suspect a thing, but Ned noticed and he never looked pleased when he saw the two of them together but Robert kept his attentions and so he could not confront her, until now.

"You look too much alike for you to gallivant around together." Ned stated.

"I spend just as much time with Arya and she looks like me as well."

"She is my trueborn daughter, no one will question her paternity. They could question his and if they land on the right answer he's done for."

"If they haven't already--"

"It's too big a risk." Lyanna went silent for a moment, her thoughts roiling with whether she should tell Ned her ideas now or wait.

"What?" He asked, clearly seeing the wheels turning in her head.

"I was thinking."

"About?"

"He's of an age to be fostered away from Winterfell. Older than you were when you were sent to the Eyrie even."

"What? I'm not sending him away." Ned replied immediately.

"It will help him grow and expand a worldview away from Winterfell, perhaps turn his mind away from running off to the Wall. Thanks for telling me about that by the way."

"I didn't want to worry you."

"A fruitless attempt, I'm always worried. He doesn't belong there."

"I know that. He belongs here in Winterfell."

"He's too stifled here, surrounded by people who take every opportunity to remind him of his place here and a Lady who hates him and a sister who will not acknowledge him in public."

"Sansa is that way with all of her siblings. As for Cat, she doesn't—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." Lyanna said firmly. Ned sighed and looked down.

"I understand her, in a way. You think it was so easy to accept Robert's bastards at first? Every time he brings one, for a moment, for a single moment I feel more hatred than I thought possible, but it never lasts, and I know it's for him, not them. She doesn't know. She can't separate her feelings for your supposed deed and her feelings for my son. He cannot stay here. He'll never grow. He'd do better fostered away. He should be sent to Bear Island. Maege was always kind to me and she cares little about the status of bastards. She's got five daughters, five girls she will need to find matches for eventually, she could do with a boy there who will come with a possible marriage match into the Warden of the North's family. And it will help restore good faith with their house after the mess her nephew left with that slavery scandal. Maege will make him stronger. I think Arya would do well in that environment as well surrounded by other women fighters. She can't thrive here either, constantly reminded what a piss-poor lady she is and how much prettier her sister is. She _won't_ survive here. They'd still be North, it'd be perfect. If you sought to foster any more of your children, which you should, they're all of an age besides Rickon and Bran, Sansa might benefit from Dorne. She'd get her castles and princes but mayhaps some iron in her veins as well and break, even a little, from the staunch, restrictive views of her mother. Lyra will be fostered with the Martells as well so she won't be alone. Bran would love it in Casterly Rock once he's older, being fostered by a proper knight. Jaime may be a kingslayer but he's still a great swordsman. I hear his young bride, Brienne of Tarth, is a fighter too. Rickon can strengthen alliances with the Tullys when he is of age and I'm sure Catelyn's family wouldn't mind fostering her child. Robb should stay in Winterfell as he's your heir but he should visit his siblings as often as possible so he might build up alliances with those houses the children are fostered under." Lyanna rambled out her thoughts and did not notice that Ned seemed to grow angrier and angrier with every word she said.

"Enough, Lya! That's enough." Ned cut her off harshly.

"Ned—"

"No, I will hear no more of this."

"You most certainly will." Lyanna replied, anger growing in her slowly like the heat in the hot springs.

"I am trying to protect my son and you will hear every word I say in regards to it. Jaehaerys—"

"Don't call him that."

"That's his name."

"But it's not. His name is Jon and he's _my_ son. You birthed him, yes, but you gave him to me and you made me promise to raise him and protect him. I've done that, I've done it for twelve years. I've been here day in and day out to soothe wounds and teach him to wield a sword and keep him warm through the winters. You think I don't love Jon as my own? I've been his father almost since the day he was born. You've been off in the capital with Robert playing your game of thrones. Now you come here and you expect me to just send him away because, what? You have plans for his future you've never thought to present to me or him? Because you've let whatever vipers have Robert's ears get to yours as well? Every time a Stark has left the North, it's wrought nothing good. Father and Brandon are dead, you almost died, I watched a woman I love wither away, I watched friends die horrible deaths in a disgusting war. How much Northern blood soaks the ground of the South? And now you're stuck there for the rest of your life. Why would I want that for my children?"

"You think he should stay here shuttered away from the world, from any form of a life, like a prisoner or freeze atop the Wall for the rest of his life? I want him to live! I want him to be happy! I want him to have more! I don't want him to end up like me! Living a life he never wanted, regretting the decisions he's made for the rest of his life with no recourse to change how his life is."

"Lya..."

"I can't raise my son. I can't be there for him. I didn't watch him take his first steps, I didn't hear his first word, I didn't see him swing a sword or shoot an arrow for the first time, I wasn't there for his first nameday. I've been no mother to him, none. I birthed him but I've failed in every other way. He deserves one, he deserves a mother, and if I can't do it then I will make sure he gets it from someone I trust to give him that. Maege can give him that." Lyanna's nostrils flared with her anger as tears gathered in her eyes. She did not want to cry but with Ned staring at her with that look of sympathy she could not stop the tears from falling. She thought of her son's smile. It was not a bright smile like Lyra's or Ormund or unrestrained like Mya and Edric or carefree like Barra and Gendry's. Jaehaerys' smile was small and shy and awkward on his face like it felt it had no right to exist and she could not help but think that that was her fault.

Ned stepped forward and pulled her into his embrace. Lyanna turned her face into his shoulder and did not hold back the tears and sobs that tore through her. It had been so long, so very long since she felt safe enough to fall apart in this way. Probably since before Rhaegar took her away. Ned's arms were warm and strong around her, holding her up and allowing her to cry unabashedly without judging her for it at all. He rubbed a hand soothingly up and down her back and let her cry against him, periodically pressing a kiss to her temple and pressing her closer to him.

She was not sure how long they stood in the crypts wrapped in each other before her sobs subsided into quiet sniffles. Still though, Ned held her. It reminded her of when she was growing up and how she would run to Ned first if she had a problem or if she needed comfort, especially after their mother died. She could not say if her father had loved her mother but he had certainly changed after she died. He was more distant, colder, and Ned took the job of comforting Lyanna and being her rock if she needed it. She felt guilty at times for always running to him when she made a mess of things. After 12 years it should've been a habit she outgrew but all it took was five minutes of a conversation with her big brother for her to say the things she held inside and let the emotions she held down break free from her. She felt boneless and tired, having expended so much of the turmoil that she had used to keep her standing and alive. Ned seemed to sense it and walked a little ways with her before they slid down the wall next to Brandon's resting place, Lyanna's head still resting on Ned's shoulder.

"You're right." Lyanna said after a moment, her voice raspy and heavy with her tears.

"Jaehaerys is not my Jaehaerys anymore. He's Jon Snow. He's your son. That's probably for the best. I see so much of you in him, Brother. He's so kind and caring and wise beyond his age and good. He's _good_ and it's because of you, not me."

"I see much of you in him too." Ned replied.

"He doubts himself, doubts his worth and abilities much more than he should." Lyanna chuckled humorlessly.

"I'm a queen who can barely lift a finger to make any real change. I'm a wife with a husband who would fight a war to win me but still cannot bother to keep himself to our bed. I'm a mother of seven children, one of whom I haven't raised and four of whom haven't come from me and though I love them as a mother should, they will all always be more of their father's children than they will be mine. I'm a fighter who can't lift a sword lest I be scorned by the kingdom."

"You're the best queen you can possibly be with the constraints you have. I hear the stories of your generosity. Of how you visit orphanages and the homeless in Flea Bottom and the Street of Steel and listen to them, spend time with them. You could've come North with me rather than marry Robert but you did so because you wanted to protect your son and the kingdom. All of your children love you unconditionally, the ones who came from your womb and the ones who didn't alike. I can see even Jon has grown a quick attachment to you. Save for Arya, he's never been so open with anyone else. I know if push came to shove, you could pick up a sword or bow even now and cut down any who came before you. You are Lyanna of House Stark, you have wolf's blood running through your veins. You are of the blood of the First Men and the chosen people of the Old Gods. Your last name may be Baratheon now but you're a Stark, you've always been a Stark. When the snows fall and the white winds blows..."

"The lone wolf dies but the pack survives." Lyanna recalled, looking up at Brandon's statue. He ran wild, it was true, but if any of them were in trouble he would ride in to the rescue for his siblings. He would always say those words to them as if it explained everything in the world, and in truth it did. Were it up to Brandon, the four Stark siblings would travel the world together, getting into trouble and fights and exploring everything this Earth had to offer. That was not what happened though. Brandon died and Ned had his duty to fulfill as did Lyanna and Benjen was trapped at the cold, desolate Wall. Would that Lyanna had been in Winterfell, she would have convinced him not to go so far away. She would have brought him to King's Landing with her. At least she would have had someone of her family with her besides her children, someone to talk to who would understand. Ned looked down at her tear stained face and used his thumb to lightly clean her cheek.

"I will consider what you've said about fostering the children away. It might be beneficial to them, it helped forge life-long relationships for me. I suppose it's just hard to let go."

"I know, trust me I know." Ned pressed a kiss to her forehead and made to pull her into another hug when they heard thundering footsteps coming towards them. Lyanna rolled her eyes, wiping her face as Robert came into view.

"Lyanna, what on Earth are you doing on the floor? And evading your guards, again?"

"I'm with my brother, love. I'm safe." Lyanna replied but accepted the hand Robert offered her. He stopped up at the look on her face. No doubt her eyes were puffy and red. He glanced at Brandon's effigy before his face turned hard.

"I would revive every Targaryen just to crush them under my boot again for you." Robert said in a hard, cold tone. He probably meant it to be comforting to her. A shiver went up her spine and Robert smiled sweetly at her. He probably thought it was a shiver of pleasure but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Robert pulled her into a hug and she exchanged a look with Ned over his shoulder. They both did their duty to their king but neither liked it and they knew if Robert ever found out what they kept from him, the lies they told, they would never survive it. They'd be as expendable to him as the Targaryens were.

**~*~*~**

Lyanna woke to find herself with a bittersweet feeling on her family's last day in Winterfell. She knew it could not last forever but she was still sad to leave, sad to not be away from King's Landing for longer than a month. Robert seemed in better spirits than she about returning home. He never did like the cold and found Northmen brooding and dull so it was no wonder that he would be happy to leave. They broke their fast with her brother's family that morning, the children speaking about how sad they were to be away from one another. Sansa and Lyra were talking about setting up a correspondence with one another when Ned interrupted them.

"You may see each other sooner than later." Everyone at the table turned their attention to Ned at that claim.

"I've been talking with Queen Lyanna and she suggested that I should look into having you all fostered with other houses. I was Sansa's age when I went to the Vale of Arryn. Lyanna mentioned that Lyra would be fostered in Dorne, she suggested the same of you Sansa."

"Dorne?" Sansa said uncertainly.

"It's as South as South goes. It's so beautiful there, especially the Water Gardens near Sunspear. You'll meet the Martells. Prince Oberyn's wife, Princess Cersei is perhaps one of the most beautiful ladies in the world. Princess Arianne is gorgeous too and she knows so much, even things I don't, about boys. And you'll meet Prince Quentyn and Prince Trystane." Lyra said conspiratorially.

" _Prince_ _Quentyn and Prince_ Trystane?" Sansa repeated hopefully, giving her mother a look. Catelyn nodded in response, though Lyanna noticed an air of reluctance about her.

"Arya, you will be fostered at Bear Island with Lady Maege Mormont should she find it agreeable." Arya frowned in response.

"Why? I thought you said you were Sansa's age, I'm only seven."

"It is what would be best." Catelyn replied. Lyanna spotted some sadness in Arya. She knew Catelyn loved all of her children but there was a block between her and Arya that did not exist between she and Sansa. Arya was a Stark in every sense. It must be difficult for Catelyn to understand her, just as Lyanna had trouble understanding Lyra sometimes. It didn't diminish her love for her daughter though, just as Catelyn loved Arya.

"A fine choice. The women warriors of Bear Island could teach you countless things." Lyanna said in a way that sounded absentminded as she bounced Barra on her knee, the baby chewing on a teething toy while settled comfortably in the queen's lap. A smile stretched across Arya's face then.

"Women warriors?"

"Aye, Maege Mormont is a formidable woman and she's raising her daughters to be the same." Arya looked at Jaehaerys with a bright grin which he returned with a hint of reluctance. He probably thought they would be separated. She looked at Ned, wondering if he had fully taken her advice. He shared her look before sighing.

"Jon will go to Bear Island as well." He said simply. Her son whipped around and looked at Ned wide-eyed.

"What? Forgive me, Father, I don't think I heard you right."

"You did. Both you and Arya will go to Bear Island once Lady Maege gives her consent to foster you."

"But I'm a bastard, bastards aren't fostered."

"Most bastards don't share their lord father's table but you do because you are my son. You will have an upbringing befitting your status as the son of a lord." Jaehaerys glanced at Lady Catelyn who gave him a hard gaze before his eyes switched to Lyanna. She gave him a smile and a small nod which he seemed to accept.

"Thank you, Father." He said in a small voice before Arya and Robb commanded his attentions with excited chatter.

Lyanna looked down at her plate with a smile, the children's excited chatter falling over her as she felt lighter and lighter by the second.

A timid knock came on her bedroom door later as she packed the last of her and Barra's things, the baby secured on her hip.

"Come in." She said, perking up as Jaehaerys crept in.

"My... Aunt Lyanna." He said, bowing slightly.

"Do you need something, sweetling?" She asked.

"I just wondered, why did you tell Father that I should be fostered? I'm baseborn, it's not the done thing."

"As Ned said, you are his son. Your upbringing should reflect that." Jaehaerys did not seem comfortable with this answer. Lyanna adjusted Barra on her hip before continuing to her son and lifting his chin to meet her eyes.

"I told you I wanted you to see the world, to see all that life had to offer. Bear Island is just one small step in that. Lady Maege is a formidable woman, yes, and many may fear her but once she takes you under her wing you are there to stay. She will care for you, like a mother would." Jaehaerys' interest seemed piqued at that and he nodded understandingly before giving her one of his small smiles.

"Thank you, Aunt Lyanna. You don't have to show such care for me but I thank you all the same. I'm... I'm going to miss you." He confessed. Lyanna felt her heart constrict at his words and she pulled him to her. His head reached her chest, making his ear rest above her heart. He didn't know, he wouldn't know that it beat partly for him. He wouldn't know for a long time just how deeply she loved him but if she could at least show it in small ways, she would. She would give him every ounce of her she could. Stray tears fell from her eyes onto her son's head. She was certain she cried more in this week than she had in the last 12 years at King's Landing. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, ending the embrace before her emotions could get the better of her too much. Jaehaerys frowned when he saw her wiping tears away.

"Why are you crying?"

"It's nothing. I'm just going to miss you too is all." He seemed concerned and like he wanted to say something else but the door opened, revealing Robert. He looked between the two of them before Jaehaerys shifted nervously than quickly bowed before Robert and then excused himself.

Robert stared at her for a long moment. It made Lyanna's skin crawl. Robert looked at her often but she rarely held eye contact with him. She had seen him look at her lustfully, lovingly, with confusion and misunderstanding, with admonishment and chastisement, with remorse and regret, with mischief and playfulness but he didn't usually look at her like this. Like he was trying to take her apart and study her. She did not think he cared enough past his preconceived notions of her to study any of what she was beneath them.

"You favor the boy." He said simply. Lyanna nodded as there was no use denying it.

"He looks like you." He continued, again in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. Lyanna made no move to answer either way now.

"He looks like Brandon too." Lyanna supposed so, she and Brandon looked much alike.

"I saw Ashara Dayne dance with Brandon that night before she asked Ned to dance. They seemed to get along well. She was a Dornishwoman, you know how much looser their morals are." He said. Lyanna glanced at Barra, Robert's Dornish bastard, before giving him a pointed look.

"I just remember how Brandon was. I always thought he'd have bastards running up and down the three known continents. Even more than I. Ned wouldn't, he would never break a vow but for his family."

"You think Jon Snow is Brandon's bastard child rather than Ned's." Lyanna deduced. She wanted to laugh but she was sure she would not stop and it would make her look insane.

"Ned Stark wouldn't have a bastard son." Lyanna looked down to hide her amused smile. Robert would reach a conclusion that was wholly the wrong one and in that moment she loved her husband for his utter obliviousness and inability to see her as anything but what he thought she was.

"I cannot speak on that. Either way, he is my family. I would see him reach his potential as I would my nephews and nieces."

"Like I said, the Queen of Bastards." Robert jested with a rowdy laugh, Lyanna let a small laugh past her lip. Robert would never know she was laughing at him and not with him.

Lyanna Stark rode out of Winterfell with a smile on her lips. She insisted on riding a horse out of the North rather than ride in the carriage. She nodded at the citizens of Winter Town as she passed, a kind look on her face. This was her home, these people were her family and to leave them again hurt her but she was hopeful. She would protect her son, her family. She would be with them again one day, with all of them, even if it meant protecting them from other members of her family.

Snow fell on her as she rode, she smiled wider, reveling in it. The whitecloaks surrounding her shivered in the cold but Lyanna didn't. She was a Northwoman, she was a child of winter, she had wolf's blood in her veins and if she could weather winter, she could weather anything.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I have to stress that I don't hate Catelyn and I even understand her feelings towards Jon without condoning it, but her relationship with Arya, at least on the show, was really weird and of the children she was probably the most distant with Arya. It was for obvious reasons, but I noticed a clear disconnect there and I'm certain had Catelyn lived she would not stand for Arya being the way she is now but she loves her daughter and would wants what's best for her, I'm certain Ned could convince her to send Arya to Bear Island.


End file.
